Habitual Creature…that would probably be my stage name if I ever made it to the music big leagues. I rarely change my hairstyle (I say I’m going to go for something bold then I just end up with a trim). I order the same thing at my favorite restaurants (when I venture out and try something new, it usually disappoints). I do not just “go for it”. If anything, I open a map (ready for adventure), I survey the area – very aware of each option – hop in the car, buckle my seat belt, but then decide to go back inside because who am I kidding anyway?
For me, change is like eating bread. It looks incredibly enticing, but I’d better not because I guarantee you I’d hate the results.
I essentially have to be forced into change. Whether it be as menial as ordering a different taco or as terrifying as moving across the country, it’s not a choice I want to make. This probably is not the best way to operate seeing how change is a facet of life and can be wonderful. Alas, here I am as a grown adult still telling change “you can’t sit with us”.
I wish it was simple. I wish there was a way for me to just jump into the deep end without regret. However, I’m trepidatious and to be honest, I’m comfortable in the shallow waters. Ahhh how lovely it would be to just stay in the safe zone; to rest in the knowledge that things will be the same unless you decide otherwise. Too bad it seems that comfort and life are not always hand-in-hand.
Enough about me. Can I talk to you for a moment? Let me preface this next sentence by promising that I am not patronizing you. Sometimes, things don’t go the way you planned. The vision you had for yourself isn’t the one playing out before you. It is actually quite the opposite and now you are at a loss. “What is next?” = the looming question in your head. I don’t have the answer for you. But I will tell you this: it’s okay to be in the unknown. It’s okay to be in a weird, confusing headspace. It’s okay to weep and mourn what once was. Just know that there are people that want to walk through this with you. They want to cry with you, scream with you and pray for you. Then, when you’re ready, they’ll be there to tell you that amidst this curveball that life has thrown your way, there is a truly good God. He does not leave you in the valley. He is before you and beside you. He knows what is next.
If life was a movie, the end credits aren’t rolling as soon as you’ve hit a dark, uncertain time. It’s true, whether you chose it or you were pushed off the diving board, change is hella scary. But there’s so much more you have yet to see. Hang out for a while. Allow others to carry this burden with you. Then be still, trust, and get ready for the scene with the big twist you never saw coming.