Here’s the thing: I want to write beautiful, thoughtful words that also encourage you. But sometimes, I cannot – for the life of me – come up with an introductory paragraph that is attention-grabbing. Trust me, I put thought into each sentence I write. I begin, erase, rewrite, erase again and so on. I want you to actually enjoy these posts. So I thought I’d tell you that in the introductory paragraph of this narrative.
Now the real stuff.
Lost in thought…I can ascribe that phrase to a myriad of my days. Although I could possibly tweak it to “anxious, internal observation”. The unheard ideas and unvoiced fears are many. Being an introvert (as well as deflective when the topic pertains to me), I rarely share when unprompted – or prompted, for that matter. However, a few evenings ago, it happened. I told my husband something of which I was gravely fearful in the motherhood category. It just spilled out of my mouth, though all the while I was asking myself, “what are you doing? Why are you saying these things?” Why I chose that moment to be communicative I will never understand. But my husband, you guys – he is the best human.
There are few souls that would sit and listen to me talk of nonexistent “could-be’s” that daily plague my mind. My husband is one of them, and oh how grateful I am. I don’t know about you, but I’m weird. I need someone (other than myself) to reassure me that I am, in fact, not insane. I need to be brought back to the realm of actuality and not set up camp in What-If-ville and the I’m-A-Bad-Mom black hole. So here’s what my man said to me that night:
Part of anxiety is the fear of the unknown, or potential scenarios that aren’t reality. But I’m here to tell you what is actually happening.
BLESS YOU, YOU WONDERFUL MAN.
Those fears and thoughts are the worst. They’re debilitating and often unavoidable. They give you such a negative outlook on yourself. They are, at times, the loudest and most petulant voices in your head. I cannot say that I have the solution to expelling thoughts so consuming, but I will tell you this: you are as normal as it gets, my friend. It’s okay to acknowledge that the anxiety will get the best of you. However, it does not have to overtake you.
Does this sound like you?
…You get to the end of the day and you’re like, what am I doing?! But somehow you’ve already done it.
^^^ More wisdom from my best friend and love for life. In the moment, you feel inadequate. You are scared, uncertain and overwhelmed. Let me bring you back down to reality – you are tackling this. No matter what you believe to be true, you are getting 💩 done. You may have stumbled at a certain point…so what? There is grace upon grace, friend. You are DOING IT. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
PS, saying stuff out loud is cathartic (just in case you were wondering). I can’t make this vast shift in my personality where I share everything all the time. But for those of us on the internal-processing team, it’s a good thing to remember. So, share your “crazy” with someone/me. I dare you.